Penelope.. A whole new life.. a whole new world

Hello world. I haven't blogged in a lifetime. I look back at what I wrote, and find it sad that a year ago I set out to find a new life, and a year later I am still thinking the same thing. Of course in the meantime I got rid of most of my worldly possessions, locked the remainder in storage and left my beloved dog with my mother. Then I packed my gear and spent 6 months doing security work in Kabul Afghanistan.

The crazy thing about going to the edge of civilization away from everyone you know is that you come face to face with some of your own fears, dreams and realities. I still have to figure out what the pieces are, and where they go.

But I have a plan. I also have a few pages of journaling from this tour that I may or may not add on here.

But this is the start. I AM going to have a new life. I will grow joy, breed dreams and sow contentment. I will surround myself with friends who enjoy life, and beautiful simple things. I will have a window I can see the sunrise or sunset. I will enjoy beautiful food, and fabulous places.

So stay tuned.

Where I have been... Where I am going...

Well, no posts since Dec. Hm... I suppose you could say I've been hiding. Not that I fell off the map, wore a wig, dark glasses and a hat, but I've been curled up on my couch, nursing my wounds and trying to find healing.

I've been talking with the Chaplain (yes the irony of the witch and the chaplain talking does not escape me) and he's been guiding me through the sad times. I have a pretty empty life without my kids here, and I dont like it. However I do get them every other weekend, and I enjoy those days.

Going.. where am I going... not sure, but I think it should involve something loud and fast.

Through the Fire

It is done. I have come through the fire. I faced my demon, and stood up for what I believed. And it hurt. But I feel liberated in a way I have not felt until now.

Now I need to build a life.

The voice I hear

"I will fight for her (my country) for as long as I draw breath. So help me god." ~John McCain

No words cemented my vote more.

I too am my country's man, and those words echo into my own soul. I serve my country in every facet of my life, in every way that I can, and it is not pride that drives me to do so. It is a repayment for every blessing she has given me. It is a debt I owe to the place that has sheltered me, given me hope and oportunities.

Country First. Service.

That is the voice I hear.

High Speed weekend

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, Thats me... LIVING ON THE EDGE... you would be awestruck to know how highspeed my weekend was.

Yesterday I helped my best gal J pack for a camping trip with her boyfriend. (Gasp.. the decadence) and then she and I went to see a TOTAL Clamfest movie "Mama Mia" (I think I have estrogen poisoning) and then we went to the grocery store for ICE... and THEN I came home and took a shower and went to bed to watch a movie.

And now... for the TOTALLY racey part.

Today... hold on to your hats... I cleaned and reorganized my closet and ALL my drawyers. **thud** Yes... my shoes are now stacked according to color, old clothes are tossed in the goodwill bag and blouses and skirts are sorted by color once again.

The next brave adventure... tidying up the jewelry box. And cleaning the bathrooms.

I live large, let me tell you. I live large.

Hanging on Joy

I know I should be writing more, channeling my thoughts into coherent text to salve my soul. Instead I am trapped in a motionless place, where no thoughts stray through my head. The constant mental chatter that I have lived with for years, the planning, the dreaming, the ideas, are all gone, lost in the void of stress as I push my way forward to the future.
I'm fighting my own demons right now, trying to remember that all will be as it is meant to be, but the real struggle is to hang on to Joy.

A good friend once told me that Happiness is like a butterfly, it comes and goes on its own, and you cannot predict it or hold on to it, but that Joy is a choice you make every day. What a revolutionary thought, to CHOOSE Joy, even in the midst of chaos, even in a rotten time, or bad luck or a time of grief or sadness. To choose to reach out and be joyful about the gifts we are granted, even as things fall through our fingers like water.

Joy has become the hook I try to hang my hat on. Finding that hook in the darkness is going to take some luck or some skill, but I WILL find it, and when I do, I will hang on Joy. And Joy shall lift me up.

Mocking folk

Yes I realize I havent blogged in like two weeks. My life is chaotic.. sue me. ;)

Today I am sitting at Panera waiting for a meeting watching the people. This woman walks in looking like a Fraggle who has been riding in a convertable all day, blonde 'fro going EVERYwhere, and her grandmom style outfit, tan too tight capris, hot pink button down shirt and birks only added to the image. Fraggle Granny on the MOVE! And yes, ladies and gents she showed up here with a BRAND new laptop. Still in the box. Popped that sucker out of the box and proceded to try to set everything up. Took 3 tables, she couldnt find an outlet (Panera doesnt have many of those darn them) and paper and packing stuff everywhere.

After 20 minutes of frustration, she smooshed it all back in the box, packed out her trash and left.

Oh yeah, and she never bought any food at Panera.

THIS my friends, explains why there is weird stuff on the internet. They'll give anyone a computer these days! LOL